Finally the second round of paperwork has been submitted

to our agency. I have to be honest, for the latest round of paperwork, it seemed as if I was never going to get it done or get it done right. We did not have too have much additional paperwork which is great as we are considered in a very adoption friendly region. The judge is pro-adoption so that is great. My problem was my focus for some of it and my pcp for the rest of it. Without going into detail....I will be changing my pcp. I have to admit I am spoiled as I worked in the medical field in Pittsburgh PA for over 20 years and I knew many Doctors and office staff. This means I never had problems getting appointments, getting things done and getting forms completed. My new pcp here left on vacation without doing my adoption forms, she didn't order the all tests I needed (and yes she had a detailed list of them), left me to another pcp who was only worried if she was getting paid for her time. Since I was a medical practice manager in my past life (that what it feels like), I went straight to the practice manager. Then when that failed me, I went to the administrative department for the whole health care system called WellStar. My next pcp will not be a participant in WellStar. Moving on....

The paperwork is in and will be FedEx'd to Valdimir to translate and submit for a court date.
We are hoping it is very soon. We would like to go before his 11 month birthday which is August 17th. I hope we go before Scotts b-day which is August 28th!

Scotts parents bought the most lovely condo here in Ga. Hi guys! When you read this, email me a photo of your new condo and I will post it here too. It is beautiful I must say! The closing is the end of August too so we are hoping and crossing our fingers the timing works out okay. The sales lady at the condo was very nice and understood our situation so it should all be fine. It is just a very busy month for us and it will be very busy here after the baby comes home! We still have to go pick out the car seat. Scott's previous Manager has offered to buy this for Max. We would like to say "Thanks!" to Pete, Linda, Morgan and Sydney for keeping our Max safe!
You are way too nice, it is greatly appreciated!!

Stay tuned for travel dates!!

Important letter to family and friends

Dear Family and Friends:
We're very, very excited about bringing our new child home! We've done a lot of reading and research into adoptive parenting and feel knowledgeable and prepared to help our child become an excellent family member and successful person.
There are some things about adoptive parenting that are the same as parenting a biological child. There are quite a few areas, though, that we've learned are different. Through our adoption agency, books, other adoptive parents, psychologists, and more, we've learned that our child needs a specific type of environment and parenting when he first comes home in order to feel safe and secure and to learn how to live successfully in our family.
While we know that every child is different, we understand that there are many possible things that will impact our child's beliefs and behavior when he gets home. These include the degree of love he got, if he was abused or neglected, how much he ate, if he's been ill, the quality of parenting/caregiving he got, and more. The result of these things can include behavioral issues, emotional disorders, and a huge sense of grief and loss.
Adoption is a traumatic, scary, disconcerting event for any age child, whether they're newborn, or 10 years old. They're being removed from all of their routines and familiar surrounding. Even babies will feel grief and sadness at an event like this. In order to help our child feel safe and learn that we are his new parents, we are creating the type of environment that he requires during this stressful time.
Below we've listed a few things to help you understand how our child will feel when he first gets home.
Even children that have lived in dysfunctional homes with abusing and neglectful parents, are traumatized to leave their homes.
Even when they are moving to a family with more food, toys, and love, they will still be grief-filled.
Even if their past is filled with many traumatic and negative things, it wasn't ALL bad. They may have fond and happy memories of certain people, foods, smells, activities, or places.
He will be overwhelmed with EVERYTHING. New people, new rules, new foods, and more.
When our child gets home, at the recommendation of experienced adoption professionals, we need to implement specific parenting approaches to help our child become a strong, attached, emotionally healthy family member. The child we're adopting needs to learn that we're his parents. And, he needs to feel nurtured and safe. Older adopted children are generally coming from multiple placements in foster care, or from an orphanage. In either instance, our child is not used to having parents to love and care for him.
These are some things we'll be doing for our child, based on research and experience with other adopted children.
We'll be living a very quiet life with limited trips out and few visitors in. Social workers and psychologists tell us that when children are first adopted, they are overwhelmed, scared, and nervous. By keeping his life very boring at first, we'll be helping our child to feel safe.
We know you'll all want to hug, kiss, and help "baby" our new child, but pleas understand that you'll have to wait for awhile. According to adoption specialists, older adopted children, whether from foster care or an orphanage, need special parenting during their first few months home so they can strongly attach to us. Some children don't even know the difference between a parent and other adults. Until we feel our child has attached and clearly knows we're his parents, we will feed, change, and take care of him.
Our child will get all of his hugs, kisses, and cuddling from us, until he's attached and bonded to us.
Many older adopted children act very outgoing and affectionate with strangers. For safety's sake, we need to keep him close to us until he stops exhibiting what's called "indiscriminate affection, a common behavior of older adopted children."
We appreciate your time and understanding in reading this. We've given you this letter so that you'll understand how dedicated and committed we are to helping our new child adjust and adapt during this very traumatic time in his life.

******************************************************************************
I read the letter above on the adoption forums and thought I would post it as you all can understand the adoption process better and how the children react or feel. Something a lot of us might not understand otherwise or even think of if not brought to our attention. Even the youngest babies will feel grief and a loss of the only place or people they have known. Kinda sad when you think about it. I did mention some of this in my post with my opinions but this letter is written well.

Our agency is telling us to get our documents in so they can get them to Valdimir to translate and Fed ex the orginials for our court petition. That is very good news!!! Marching on......

Friday update and my opinions....

Everything is moving along well with our process. We were given a list of new documents to get for court and our court petition is getting completed. We submitted our new visa invites application and hope to hear soon when court will be.

The latest in the news in Russian adoptions is that Russia is going to require mandatory parenting classes for adoptive parents of PI children and psychological test done. I say go for it, if it saves the life of one child, it is worth it.

I think the problem is that some new parents live in a fantasy world about what it is like to have children. Children are work, they take time, patience and an open heart with tons of understanding. The PI child takes more work, more patience and more of an open heart and tons and tons of understanding. They have NO idea what is to live in a family unit. Most have been abused, neglected and are not grateful you 'saved' them because at first they don't understand. Everything is new and the rules have all changed. It is overwhelming for them, they feel a sense of loss. Most of these children are afraid, scared, grieving and are fearful. When humans react to these emotions their behavior can come across in tantums, acting out and down right defiance. Not gratitude.
It takes time, trust and a building of communication. Another big issue is the language barriers for older children. I believe parenting classes should be mandatory and they would help parents to understand these special childrens' needs and how to deal with them. Help in teaching them to build a support group to help them when needed. People going into international adoption should know this is not a dream situation, these children are going to have many issues. The older they get, the length of time they spent in the orphanage, the history prior to the orphanage and the child all depends on how well the the child is going to do in a family unit. Some children and most children adapt very well. I would say because most these parents read and knew what to expect and were prepared for the child.
Some child have issues that need special therapies to help them over come the changes and learn about the family unit and how to live within one.

I have done extensive reading and research on international adoption and the issues involved.
One reason we requested a child as young as possible is that the younger the child the better bonding and attachment is and easier to accomplish. It is done with bottle feeding, baths and meeting the needs of the baby. Even little babies will have adjustment and loss issues. They grieve too. So the first three months we are at home we will be bonding, attaching and adjusting. This should be done without family, friends, daycare and outside help. The baby will need to learn what a mommy and daddy do for them. How their needs are met through crying and all that 'fun' stuff. It is like going back to the first three months of their life. The newborn age where they learn this. We do know these months will be busy, hectic and the housework will not be done!!
So if you don't hear from us during this time, not to worry, we are prepared to handle this and if we do reach out for support I hope there is a kind hand or shoulder to lean on.
I know our family will be there for us and for Max. I know God will be there too!!

Monday morning update from agency

Our social worker emailed me this morning and said they were also worried that Russia might shut down after the lastest news. However the emergency meeting was about how to handle the media. Since the last case was broadcasted every 20-50 minutes causing MUCH chaos. She said that they, LSSS, is being promised their certificate (reaccreditation) and there is no stoppage at this time. She said we will hold our breath's and hope things settle down.
She did forward the new medical form we need to complete as we have doctors appointments this week to update our medicals. So we move forward....holding our breath.....

We also lost another big limb on one of our Bradford pear trees in the lastest bands of hurricane Dennis. A big limb, the second to fall from this tree, landed on our neighbors fence. Another call to the insurance company!

These are the cowgirls Sioux, my daughters friend and my daughter Michelle, they just came back from Folly Beach with their tans!  

After opening presents the traditional ribbon and bow hat. They got some nice giifts for baby Gabrielle who is due the first of September. Doctors think she might come early!  

On a more fun note. This is Chuck and Scott and Jenn's baby shower. They both lost the bottle drinking contest to a young'n. But it was so funny to watch!

The National Adoption Community

did a press release Friday night. Basically saying, yes, we need to do something to work with Russia and to improve the system of the adoption of orphaned children.
I will not post the news on this case only how it will affects us personally.
The boards are filled with posters upset, angry and those figuring statistics on the number of children who die everyday, everywhere. I am not going to go into stastics here on our blog.
My understanding is the DUMA scheduled an emergency meeting on Sunday in Russia to discuss the current case. I am sure we will hear how it will affect the Russian adoptions in the future as well as our current adoption and the people who have made trip one to met their child waiting for a court date.

Sad news again....

Today a woman from NC admitted to killing her 2 year old adopted daughter from Russia while visiting family in VA. She admits that she beat her, punched her and kicked her and put her to bed. The next morning when the little girl wasn't breathing the mother calls 911 and rushes her to the hospital where the little girl is pronounced dead.

This is the most sickening story. As horrible as it is, it is a true story that just happened today. Another American beats a Russian baby to death. How can this happen? How can a mother beat any baby to death regardless! It makes you wonder, where was the Dad, where was the rest of the family? Does no one notice these things are happening in their own homes. They don't see a change in personality? Like the woman who drowned her 5 children. People are speaking out in the news lately about depression and medication and that there is no such thing as post partium depression or that is can be help with simple exercise. It makes me mad to recall this interview. Some of you know who I am talking about I am sure. The battle of the celebrities. I refuse to go see the War of Worlds.

There are cases of PAD, post adoption depression. I would only hope that is the case here and not that she is a cold blooded murderer. I do believe there are chemical imbalances with in the brain in some people maybe all people at different times in their lives. Stress and big changes can bring on depression as well as death or divorce or birth. I hope there is more to the story but it still doesn't change the facts. A child is dead. A senselss death. One that could be prevented.

The news has already hit the front page of the Moscow times. As you know in an earlier post I said how shaky the climate was in Russia after the case of the 6 year old boy that was beat to death by his adoptive mother several years ago. The case came to court recently and the mother was sent to prison. Two families have been detained in the last several weeks because of possible abuse of their adopted children while still in Russia. They have been exonerated but I am afraid that Russia may close it's doors on Americans forever. A moratorium sounds even more real than ever. They have every right to protect their children. I do not blame them. Even though they live in orphanages, institutions and have little hope of having a productive life maybe it is better than being murdered by an Amercian who claims they are going to take care of them.

The Joint Council of International Adoptions and the The National Council of Adoptions are to put a press release out later today.

My fear now is we may never bring Max home. His room is ready, I just went out and bought some smaller clothes for him. Washed his sheets and blankets. I am very sad for all the children today. I am very sad.

St. Basils. It is like candyland.  

I loved this photo. Scott throwing away his trash. The streets are very clean in Moscow. 

McDonald's anyone? Yes, we ate at McDonald's in Russia. On the way back from Yaroslavl it was raining the traffic was horrible and I had to go to the bathroon, low and behold, a McD's appeared!

This is parts of Yarolsavl, very depressing, flats or apartments. There are many of these.  

The park area outside the front of Red Square.  

Inside the GUM, we ate at a fast food chicken place. It was just like home...fast food is fast food.  

Red Square....it was beautiful.  

This is the GUM. A shopping mega! I bought a pair of walking shoes with Scotts help and the russian phrase handbook. It was fun. Took longer because of the language barriers but the girl who helped us was so nice. It was a good thing we got them as remember the last photo....we got lost and walked miles and miles.... 

Me, Kim, in back of St. Basils, Galina was looking for a shuttle and I was trying to keep up with her. She couldn't find it so we told her it was fine, we would call a taxi. However we decided to walk back to our hotel instead. It would not have been to bad of a walk, if we had not got lost.... 

This is the top of the Christ the Savior Church in Moscow, it is beautiful. Galina took us inside. We bought Max a childrens book and a book on the religous history of Moscow in Russian and english.  

Scott and Kim infront of Christ the Saviour Church in Moscow, Russia 6/29/05 

Overlooking Moscow from the 29th floor of our hotel. Hotel Ukraina  

It is all in the name.

We have decided on Max's full name. Let us explain...
His Russian name is Ivan Maximovich (something or other Russian last name, I would have to look up). Funny how that worked out; if you read my earlier post you see that I wanted to call him Max all along. Let me start at the beginning. Ivan amercianized (is that a word) would be John. I looked up the derivatives of Johns and the meaning and came up with Jonathan which means 'Gift of God'. I was so excited I called Scott to tell him I have found the perfect first name for Max, Jonathan, which is really a derivative of his Russian name Ivan. He is a gift from God as far as we are concerned! Is this making sense to you? His middle name in Russia is Maximovich. In Russian culture the middle name is the fathers name and the ovich at the end means 'son of'. This means Ivan's fathers name was Maxim. So his middle name will be Maxim.
So drum roll please....his full name will be Jonathan Maxim Mench. We will call him 'Max' for short. He looks like a Max.
I know you haven't seen his picture; I have not posted any as yet. I have sent some privately but since we have not gone to court yet, I am leary of posting pictures of Max here until he is legally ours.
If you want to see a sneak peek email me privately and I will see what I can do!
He looks like his dad. I can start by telling you that! I see a little of Scott in this little guy.
I know that doesn't help, but you know now that he has blonde hair and blue gray eyes.
He will be a handsome dude!
Plus, he was kissed by an angel. On the back of his neck he has a little angel kiss mark. That is what I call it. It is very light but you know the angels are watching over him. Can you tell he captured my heart!

Home from Russia

We arrived home from Russia on Saturday July 2, 2005. We had to extend our visa's for a day so we could meet our second referral. He came off the datebase on the 30th, the day we were to leave. But it was so worth the wait!!

It was a busy travel weekend with the airlines let me tell you. There were storms all over the east coast so we were delayed several hours and after two days of travel we arrived home at 2:00am on July 2nd. A long long day.

The trip was a wonderful success!! We accepted our second referral for a 9 month old little guy we will name Max, he captured our hearts in a quick minute. It was that fast! We didn't think it was possible but we have to say it was. Max also shares the same birth date as Jordan, Adam's little boy!

Our facilitators in Russia were fantastic. We can not say enough good things about them. We enjoyed seeing Moscow. The Red Square and St Basils. Beautiful...

I will post pictures and more details later on our trip as soon as I can.